Book Review: If today be sweet

Author: Thrity Umrigar
Genre: Multi-Cultural, Fiction
Rating: 2.5/5
Verdict: A slow-moving and predictable read.

Goodreads blurb:

"Tehmina Sethna's beloved husband has died this past year and she is visiting her son, Sorab, in his suburban Ohio home. Now Tehmina is being asked to choose between her old, familiar life in India and a new one in Ohio with her son, his American wife, and their child. She must decide whether to leave the comforting landscape of her native India for the strange rituals of life in a new country...."

The blurb was enough for me to pick up this book at the library, the reason being the dilemma that the main character, Tehmina in this story is faced with is the one question that has been haunting me for years now - To choose between living in the US or to go back to India for good. Where do I belong? Where should I raise my kid(s)? Will I be happy whichever path I choose? What if I don't?
I am sure anyone who is an immigrant in the United States or any foreign land have been haunted by these very set of questions at least once in their life. As of today, I have been unable to choose between the two. But, I just know that I have to make that decision before its too late. So, I was quite intrigued to find out what path Tehmina chose and her reasons for doing it in the hope that someday it will help me make my decision when I arrive at the crossroads. I also loved Thrity's "The Space between us" - It was a perfect portrayal of the divide between the rich and the poor and it was dangerously close to reality. I was held captive by the book right from page 1.

I started reading this book with high expectations for the above mentioned reasons. The book is about an elderly Parsi woman, Tehmina who has recently lost her husband, Rustom and is visiting her son Sohrab, daughter-in-law, Suzanne and grandson, Cavas aka Cookie living in Ohio.  Sohrab is the only child to Tehmina and Rustom and he has asked her to relocate to the United States and live with them. Tehmina is in a quandary. The story revolves around the challenges, dilemmas and the struggles of an old widow who has lived all her life in India and is faced with so many changes to accept and compromise upon if she were to move to the United States. We get to see the life in the US through the eyes of a sixty five year old woman and the cultural differences faced by older people whose children live in the US. This part of the book, I felt was very well captured. I see it often in my own life whenever my parents visit US, they are unable to come to terms with certain things being done the way they are here even if it has been their tenth visit. They have learnt to accept it and live by it when they are here, but, nevertheless, will never be completely happy with it. Its hard for me to understand that sometimes, given how easily me and my husband have adapted and adjusted to the life here. But, I suppose it gets harder as you age. There is constant comparison on life here versus life in India throughout the book and how things are done in a better way in India. Crossing the roads without fear, not having to wear seat-belts to name a few. I felt this part was a bit judgmental and cliched, but again, well portrayed and is very much the reality.

I also really liked the portrayal of the relationship between Tehmina and Suzanne. There is friction, unpleasantness and a few bitter incidents between the two, but how they get past beyond all of that and still manage to co-exist in the same house without any major disruptions was very well written. Tehmina is not the typically portrayed Indian mother-in-law who is possessive of her son, constantly complains about her daughter-in-law, nor feels the need to be dominating. She is an independent, courageous and resilient woman who loves and adores her son and grand-son and cannot imagine a life without being near her loved ones.  When we get to the incident which is a turning point in helping Tehmina decide, it feels too dramatic, unrealistic and forced. It never made an impact on me and I could never understand the reasoning of introducing the incident about the two boys and the depth of it. So was the part about Rustom talking to her and the book/poems he reads to her. This was very disappointing and I would have rather enjoyed reading more about Tehmina's relationship with some of her friends/family back in India.

As I moved towards the end of the book, it became predictable. Tehmina decides to choose to live with Sohrab in the US. But why? Wasn't that what the book was supposed to be about? I felt that question was never answered or even if it was it wasn't quite impactful. May be, it goes to say - live with your loved ones, the place doesn't matter? - I don't know. I expected this book to be an emotional roller coster, all about love, relationships, heartfelt conversations and much more. But, it fell far short of my expectations. I would give it a miss.

Book Review: Take This Man

Author: Brando Skyhorse
Genre: Memoir
Rating: 5/5
Verdict: An unforgettable, poignant memoir. Full five stars from me! Read it right away.

Note: I received an Advanced Review Copy (ARC) of this book from Simon and Schuster through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I stumbled upon this book in one of the book blogs listed as one of the most anticipated reads of 2014 and I had marked it on my to-read list a while back. I usually read the synopsis before starting on any book, but for this one, I didn't and I am glad I didn't. After finishing the book, I went back and read the blurb. I don't think it would have made an impact on me as much because this book is so much more than what is contained in those few words that attempt to describe it.

"Dysfunctional" childhood doesn't even begin to explain what it means to be abandoned by your own father at a tender age of three and growing up with a tough grandmother, a delusional mother, and five stepfathers. That is just too bizarre to even comprehend it, but Brando Skyhorse has actually lived this life for real. A Mexican-American by birth, his mother Maria decides to reinvent herself and Brando as a Native American and renames herself as Running Deer Skyhorse. She lies to young Brando about his father's identity and heritage (he was told his father was an incarcerated Native activist named Paul Skyhorse). This marks the beginning of the pattern of Maria trying to find a suitable father figure and brings home one man after another who all just come and go at their own will. A man is brought home without room for any questions, Brando is made to accept him as a father and begins to get attached to him only to find the man leave without a trace. Each so-called-father's abandonment fills Brando's life with a void bigger than life that becomes irreplaceable and Brando is left questioning his own ability to be a father himself.

Maria is drowned is her own world of delusion and is emotionally abusive. She is a mess and takes it out all on Brando in ways cruel than you can even imagine. She runs her own phone-sex business and keeps moving from one man to another without batting an eye. Her justification for her actions - "At least it never gets boring" pretty much sums up her life. Her attitude towards Brando and his Vietnamese girlfriend was brutal and the mother in me wanted to choke her for all the cruelty. There just cannot be any justification to her actions, she was just a really sad person inside. It was distressing at times to read all about the suffering of Brando in the hands of his mother, yet he couldn't leave her because she was all he had. It was really heart wrenching and brought tears.

Maria's mother, June was a tough yet soft woman who took care of Brando through his early years when Maria was busy searching for a suitable surrogate father. When it came to Maria, I felt that she had a soft corner for her daughter, even after witnessing all the pain inflicted by Maria and when each man came by, they both got together to make sure he cannot find his ways around them and he plays by their rules in the house. Brando finally accepts himself as a Mexican and after both Maria and June eventually die, he goes in search of his biological father and begins to make peace with one of his stepfathers and the birth father.

With such a mother and stepfathers, it is amazing to think about how Brando Skyhorse survived and I was even more impressed when I found out he is a brilliant Stanford graduate. That is a true testament to how resilient he is and that was one thing I was most looking forward to reading towards the end of this book. During the closing chapters, Brando writes about how he tries to find closure, but all those childhood incidents and upbringing has left a lasting effect on his relationships. I doubt if he will find complete closure ever. The final few chapters were the strongest in my opinion and has impacted me very much.  Being a mother myself, I know the importance of a family and more importantly a functional one. I cannot imagine how one can stay sane and alive being raised in a totally dysfunctional family. Reading about it made me so grateful for my family and ideal childhood, and equally sad at someone not even knowing what a loving family is.  Brando has given us honest peek into the darkest secrets of his life and the harrowing experiences and trauma he has endured all through his life. I sincerely wish he finds peace with his inner-self and begins to live a normal life.

This is a fabulous book and held me captive right from page 1. I finished it in 5 hours straight and would recommend it to anyone without a second thought. You cannot miss this!